If you were forced at flamethrower-point to name your top three favorite 80s’ movies, would one of them be Richard Donner’s classic about a band of misfits on a convoluted treasure hunt? Maybe, maybe not. As far as I’m concerned, it’s not. It’s probably number 24 or so. But that doesn’t mean “The Goonies” isn’t a quality coming-of-age flick. Especially considering it had to break through in a decade that bred this type of movie. ”Sixteen Candles,” ”Fast Times,” Breakfast Club,” ”Pretty In Pink,” etc., etc.: there was such a surplus “Goonies” could’ve gotten lost. But it didn’t. Even if that’s mainly because of Chunk. Here’s what else I’ve learned.
#15: A suctioning projectile on a string shot from the chest of a healthy child is strong enough to drag said child across a parking lot and into a dumpster.
#14: When needing to stress a point, pull from an inhaler.
#13: At the bottom of a well is a labyrinthine wonderland.
#12: The great motivator for the disfigured is a chocolate bar.
#11: Any document drafted by an individual with one eye is valuable.
#10: People from diametrically opposed social circles will bond together when the creation of a golf course is proposed.
#9: Italian moms are ruthless.
#8: Aaron Spelling saw something special in Mikey’s brother.
#7: In rare cases, redheads are better-looking than blondes.
#6: Do not be afraid to play a skeleton’s organ.
#5: When looking to upstage an abrasive boyfriend, creatively return his varsity letter jacket.
#4: When eating ice cream, slop it all over your face.
#3: If there is a shortage of technological advancements, enlist an Asian child to rummage through your junk drawer.
#2: The nickname “Mouth” has absolutely zero positive connotations.
#1: Pull-ups can not be done effectively without tiny shorts.
