I read too, you know. Actually, that’s one of my favorite things to do. I have a modest library: a filled bookcase, a desk with built-in shelves stuffed with books, a crate in storage with the unfortunate ones I couldn’t fit in my small, one-bedroom apartment. Beyond movies and video games and cruising the Internet, there is nothing better, nothing better, than reading a good novel. Damn, I’ve read so many. In the hundreds, no doubt. The thing is, it’s hard to remember the details of them all. Books aren’t like music or film, you can’t just recite the theme or a line or character details from the top of your head. Even the books that move you fail to be completely and utterly remembered. It’s impossible, even more so if you’ve read as many as I have. Sure, the masterpieces stand out, but even then they’re faded, an old newspaper caught in a thunderstorm. But I refuse to claim ownership of a blog that does not contain any commentary on quality pieces of literature. So here goes, the things I’ve learned (to the best of my memory) about Bret Easton Ellis’ classic, “American Psycho.”
#15: Do not, by any means, associate with someone who owns a pet rat.
#14: Do not trust well-dressed people.
#13: Upon entering an acquaintance’s apartment, ensure he or she does not own reams of tarp.
#12: Whitney Houston’s music is transcedental.
#11: Going to expensive restaurants every night and doing mounds of coke is somehow not entirely satisfying.
#10: If a rich person cooks you dinner, ask for the recipe.
#9: Thank God video stores’ business has diminished.
#8: If you notice a similarity in one’s appearance to another’s, request identification.
#7: Homeless people get a bad rap.
#6: At the risk of being morbid, you can murder someone with anything.
#5: Chicks from New York will fuck you regardless of the blood splattered all over your penthouse.
#4: If you wish to become a sociopath, you must own a large closet and freezer.
#3: Rough sex can be just that.
#2: Phil Collins is the greatest solo artist of all time.
#1: Bret Easton Ellis is one sick dude.
