I got onboard the Xbox train a little late, so allow me the leeway to catch up.
BioShock came out maybe a year ago amid much fanfare. I remember my buddy bought it on my recommendation (I didn’t even have an Xbox then but would check out the games anyway on the offchance of convincing myself to buy one). I went over his place and watched him play it for about an hour. I thought it was okay. And then we got trashed and I kind of forgot about it.
Then I was in Game Stop about two weeks ago and saw it used for 30 bucks. So I bought it…and was unable to put the controller down until I beat it last night. What an awesome game. One of the best I’ve played in a long while. Everything about it is original and compelling. I’m telling you, if you own a Xbox and have yet to purchase this title, do so immediately. Don’t get too drunk like me and forget about it. You’ll be instantly obsessed.
So here’s some things I’ve learned.
#20: Even with glowing eyeballs, little girls are cute.
#19: Anyone who screams “You look just like her” is unstable.
#18: Aggressors will focus on a cowering phantom instead of someone shredding them with machine gun fire.
#17: “Would you kindly” isn’t kind.
#16: Whales dress up in armored suits.
#15: Bees are more damaging than an electric bolt.
#14: Every piece of equipment is made of jumbled pipes.
#13: Mexicans sell ammunition; clowns sell healthcare.
#12: People will confess anything to a tape recorder.
#11: When encased in an iron shell, your hands and arms will still remain uncovered.
#10: The ability to become all-powerful comes from a trout.
#9: There are many uses for a monkey wrench.
#8: Cigarettes are bad for you.
#7: Taking a Polaroid of someone makes them vulnerable.
#6: Men in scuba suits smell bad.
#5: A nine-iron is sharp.
#4: Surviving a fiery plane crash is easy if there’s an underwater city nearby.
#3: Ingesting too many genetic-enhancing chemicals makes you insane…and prone to waltz around half-naked when not self-imprisoned in a chamber.
#2: A steel arrow is more destructive than a shotgun blast.
#1: Ayn Rand would be proud.
