When I was in college, we used to do an impression of a line from “Predator”: “Quickly, everyone, get to the chopper.” It was of course awash in Arnold’s signature accent and – aside from the one, constant pronunciation of “chopper” as “choppa” – everyone had a different way of inflection. We eventually learned that the line actually goes “Run! Get to the chopper!” which wasn’t nearly as funny. So we kept saying it in our own way. The fact that we’d made an icon from a line that didn’t really exist was never disappointing at all. Nor did it diminish how great a movie we thought – and I still think – “Predator” is. Because there are plenty of awesome, accurate lines to make up for it.
Many of these amazing quotes come courtesy of once-Governor of Minnesota, Jesse Ventura – especially on the initial sequence’s helicopter ride. Apollo Creed has a decent amount, too, and of course Schwartzy holds his own. Even some secondary characters get in the act. And that’s the great thing about “Predator”: not only are there hysterical lines that are fully and perpetually quotable, there’s kickass action sequences and enough suspense to make your anus clench.
And with that great intro, on to what I’ve learned.
#15: Two absurdly muscular men, upon a renewed acquaintance, must join hands forcefully and flex.
#14: To appear rugged, chew on the stub of a barely-lit cigar.
#13: Somewhere in outer space, boars are evolving – and getting uglier – in efforts to overtake the world.
#12: The pinnacle of love-making is to equal the skills of a short-armed dinosaur.
#11: Acting like you don’t speak English can’t fool a swollen Austrian immigrant.
#10: Behold the powers of mud.
#9: Apparently, bleeding is a time-consuming process.
#8: Having permanent heat-sensing vision makes you nearly invincible.
#7: Native Americans are prone to cutting themselves with extremely large knives.
#6: If things go according to plan, Carl Weathers will soon be governor of Montana.
#5: Do not fuck with a minigun.
#4: When all else fails, emit a hellish scream and fire your weapon aimlessly.
#3: If a tree falls in the woods, hide under it.
#2: On most assigned rescue missions, something fishy is going on.
#1: My favorite Arnold movies are as follows: “Total Recall,” “Predator,” “Terminator 2,” “True Lies,” Terminator 3.”
I’m seriously going to have to watch Predator again. It’s been too long.
I watch it every night in slo mo. Kidding. I definitely recommend a refresher, though. Thanks for the comment.