My girlfriend needs an intervention from “Intervention.” Every time she comes over – about three or four times a week – she insists I check On Demand for any new episodes. Good luck talking to her on Monday nights from 8 to 10. You’d think someone just swung a pocket watch in front of her. She watches repeats like it’s the first time she’s seen them. I swear this show is heroin without those unsightly arm bruises.
It didn’t take me long to get swept into the mess. By now, we’ve seen every single episode. Many multiple times. When you showcase humanity at it lowest, most depraved point, how the hell can’t you watch? It’s the perfect storm. A&E also does a good job of not exploiting these people (well, as much as you can’t exploit drug addicts). You really feel bad for them; you want them to overcome their vices. You want to be a witness to a person’s redemption. You see these people at their absolute worst, you see them destroying their bodies, and you are so fascinated while doing so that by the time the show’s over, when the update appears on your TV screen, you really do care if they fell back into coke or bulimia or pulled themselves out and got back to the person displayed in the old baby photos. Sometimes, shit, you get goosebumps.
There’s also something undeniably captivating about watching people slowly kill themselves.
This one goes out to my old lady.
#15: An ungodly stench coming from someone’s trunk may not be a dead body; it might be a bucket of puke.
#14: Living amid piles of trash, clothes and overturned furniture does not decrease a eyebrow-less naked blonde girl’s self-esteem.
#13: Just because you’re homeless doesn’t mean you can’t host a steak barbeque.
#12: Spending hours pursuing artistic endeavors is statisfying even if you have no idea what your intentions were come morning.
#11: Rich kids love oxycontin.
#10: Nothing goes better with eggs than a handle of Smirnoff.
#9: Surprise, surprise: no one is ever addicted to weed.
#8: More often than not, the actual intervention is lame.
#7: Watching someone black out on the floor of your garage and then be carried off by their greiving parents is no excuse not to welcome them back a half-hour later with a bottle of gin.
#6: Needles + ragged veins = shivers down spine.
#5: Most families love their relatives “like crazy.”
#4: Is it bad that the alcoholics make me crave a beer?
#3: Someone always has to be the asshole parent.
#2: Candy Finnegan is weird-looking.
#1: Drugs are bad for you…but make for highly entertaining television.
